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Here's what you missed this week from the Sports Guy:• The Mag & an apology Before he gets to his magazine column, Bill Simmons has a few thoughts -- and some explaining to do.• Beat The Sports Guy Week 8: Patriots at Vikings 32.

Arizona (1-6) Should we come up with a new Level of Losing for 'Zona after that Bears loss?

There aren’t enough glasses of wine in the world to get you to knock out peacefully.

This “relax” that you speak of…how do you go about doing it?

” You know it’s bad when you’ve gone weeks without pizza. On your right, you’ll find a crater that popped in just in time for Monday morning!

Chances of listening to them are as nonexistent as your romantic life.

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She has outgrown Gymboree but Justice is too ‘tween’ for her.

Upon further review, that was a Guillotine/Stomach Punch Game crossed with the aftereffects of a nuclear holocaust; the Cards looked like shaken survivors against the Raiders last week. On the bright side, that game gave us the whole "They were what we thought they were! Always fun to break out in any social situation.(Although not as much fun as Thursday night's sequence with Jeff Suppan and Scooter the Talking Baseball on Fox. J.: "Last year you had a list of suggestions for female Halloween costumes (click on this SG vault and scroll down to the latter third of the column), including a Tara Reid costume which made me laugh out loud.

Is there a way to wager that Suppan will get arrested for exposing himself in an X-rated theater within the next five years? Oakland (1-6) Not only has the defense looked good for two weeks (thanks to defensive coordinator Joe Eszterhas), but Randy Moss was getting open repeatedly against Denver and Arizona, to the point that reporters were searching the locker room for a Juvenation Machine after the game. Throw in a coach who's awake and the Raiders would be right back in that thing. Miami (1-6) The Dolphins are 0-7 against the spread. And Drew Brees has emerged as an MVP candidate in New Orleans. Tennessee (1-5) Strange season for the Titans: An 0-4 start lowlighted by two 30-point shellackings and the Haynesworth stomp, quickly followed by Travis Henry's roto resurgence, a near-upset in Indy and a Redskins upset that killed 90 percent of the suicide pool entries in this country. Not sure if anyone pointed this out to you yet, but this year there is actually a store-made Tara Reid costume available, which means there will be tons of drunken frat boys dressed as Tara this Halloween.

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