TALKING ABOUT A LATE SPOUSE: SHOULD YOU ASK QUESTIONS? If a couple were married at a young age, married a long time, or have children/grandchildren, it is going to be very difficult to talk about his/her life without mentioning a late spouse.
This can only be threatening to you, if you allow it to be. He or she is not coming back, so you are not going to lose your new mate to him or her. In general, when you get to know someone you want to share your past with him or her. This time it just happens to include a person that is no longer alive.
He’s probably worried that they’ll think he’s moving on too fast or, perhaps, won’t be open to the idea of seeing him with someone else.
He might also be concerned that this new relationship will cause friction with other family and friends who are still mourning.
Know what to expect on anniversaries, birthdays and other days that were special to your new partner and his/her late spouse.
Being aware and understanding about another person's feelings allows you to be gracious and sensitive to your new partner.
Claudia Jean says think about "How do you want to be loved? Do you want loneliness to follow your spouse to his or her grave, or do you want to have the love you had for each other move forward?
It is important, especially at the beginning of a relationship, to allow the widow/er to talk freely about his or her late spouse.
Simply ask your questions respectfully, so it is not regarded as prying but as a genuine interest in the deceased spouse and their relationship.
If you pay close attention, you actually may learn many interesting things about your new partner, for example: how he/she views the world; how he/she treats a partner; likes and dislikes, etc.
I'm including this section of the book specifically for any widowers who might be reading it.
Dating again after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience.